God, I feel like I haven't been on LJ in the longest time ever. And it's sad but I have to admit - I feel like I'm losing touch with some of those on my friend's list :( I miss talking and spazzing with some of you. And I miss knowing half the people on the DBSG community or at least recognizing your usernames.
I'm just being melancholy today *sighs*
Life has been...not so spectacular lately. School sucks (as always) and it just seems like nothing in life is bright anymore :/ Sorry if this post makes you depressed btw (I just haven't been feeling all that up lately). Maybe it's the stress or whatever, but I feel like there's always a weight being carried around - if this is what you call being grown up, well fuck, I don't want to be a grown up then.
I guess we never really cherish our childhood until we kind of lose it - the naive carefree view of the world - I want to have those moments back; moments in which I can look around and think "wow if I push hard enough, things WILL go my way." It's disheartening to find that sometimes, things just doesn't go the way we want to.
Haha, I really wish I knew what my parents meant when they told me to cherish the times I had as a kid - because we won't ever get it back. We won't ever be able to look at the world through color-free lenses. Everything nowadays just seemed stained with too much responsibility, too much headache, and way too much drama.
..I don't even know why I'm greeting you guys again with this kind of post. I don't get myself sometimes *sighs* I just...want to say Hello again? And that even if I seem busy or never seem to post anymore, I really do cherish my friends here and in Real Life.
Everyone seems to be growing up so fast nowadays. We never have time for each other anymore and it seems like we're all so busy. I hardly have time to see my best friends anymore since we're always saying "shit, I'm too busy that day. Can you do another day? No? damn I guess we'll meet another day." I just miss being able to call them up on a Friday and just be like "Yeah, his house? Alright then, I'll be there in a half an hour." Those moments just don't come anymore...because we're just all so spread out - trying to do things that we think would help us go forward in life.
I'm sorry if I'm being incoherent right now - I'm not even sure what the main point of this post was. I just felt like I should post up again...
Life is forcing me to grow up...but I don't want to.
And did I ever admit that I hate pharmacy? I mean I don't mind it. But it's just not like..MY thing. I don't have a clear interest in it besides it being something I could possibly do. I wish I was one of those people who knew what their passion or goal in life is. Like, someone who KNOWS they're set for being an artist or an author - like doing it would give them JOY and they don't give a flying fuck what other people around them think. I want something like that - something I would like hold on to and not care what others think because it makes ME happy and it's MY life so I can do whatever I want.
I just don't have that in me. I don't have the drive to push for something I love - I'm in pharmacy because of the prestige and because it's what OTHERS think I should. But I want to do something that gives me a better insight onto who I am, something that I wake up to and is happy to work for. Sadly, I don't know what it should be - I've always shot for being prestigious (because as sad as it is, I admit that Asian parents are always thinking "PRESTIGE, MONEY, GOOD JOB > YOUR PASSION IN LIFE IF IT MAKES YOU A POOR PERSON") because that's what others expected me to be - because that's what I've ALWAYS been - that smart student that others think "she's gonna be a doctor" but...what happen if that's not what I want? I don't know if I'm making sense anymore..I just felt like I should write a rant and this was the best place to write it.
Sometimes...I feel like I forgot how to make myself happy - how to work for what I want. It's always been about grades, but now that I think about, isn't that sad - building my life around getting good grades? I wish I was one of those students who no one cared about, who got D's or whatever and barely passed because then at least no one would expect a miracle from him/her.
But then again, there's always two sides to the story. Everyone wants what they can't have. I want a simple life in which I can just go along and do whatever I want. And another might want the life I have, a road to higher education.
I don't know.
Life - why are you so confusing sometimes?
...Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it btw!